I guess writing a blog comes easy when you’re running good but it is somewhat tedious task when things don’t always go your way. And quite often they don’t. With getting older I have finally come to realize that there’s much value in being honest, to myself included. If for some reason someone happens to read my blog here, just know it won’t be just a happytimes-yolo-rungood poker and life ride, where I’m posting winnings only and later there are traditional circlejerking rounds and waves in the comments section, because it’s all so aaaaaaawesome. No, it’s not. But that’s how most poker blogs are, mine included in a way.

Yes, I haven’t had a losing month since I came back to poker 2 years ago, but last few weeks I’ve ran under expected value same amount of euros my mother makes in a year. And it’s still getting under my skin, although I’ve been doing this for over 10 years now. Also when you see you are 60 buy-ins under expected value in preflop allins over last few months… WTF is that? Why? I don’t just throw stacks around like I used to when I played heads up. So I’ve turned into a nit and this is what I get now haha?

I skipped national poker championships this year because I felt little frustrated how things were going. Also last few years I’ve been having those moments at live tournaments, where I question what is this exactly what I’m doing right now. What’s the meaning of all this? Am I a tournament professional? No I’m not. Then why I’m there? Is it worth my time to play this one particular few hundred euro tournament for 3 days and make 20-50% ROI I may or may not have there? Do I actually like sitting there at the table, waiting for above average hand with my 15bb stack and shove my chips in? Because that’s what 90% of people are doing, at poker tournaments. And the one who wins all the flips is the Champion. Champion of what exactly? Life is too short for tournament poker.

OK-OK, I know, it’s not really so gloomy, but this is what’s up. I will be staying away from live tournaments from now on. And this is coming from someone who is up 6 figures playing tournaments, both live and online. Maybe if I’m 70 years old one day and memorizing shove ranges is maximum my brain is able to take in plus my hand shaking tells are conveniently balanced by Alzheimers, I will put on my slick Ray-Ban glasses and play a live tournament, looking all businesslike and taking 2 minutes to think about each move, like a pro. Then, maybe I can also be a Champion.

Somehow this became a rant. But this is what you get when you write a blog on a downswing 🙂